dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
