i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
