I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
