I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
