a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
