So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My hand turned me down
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
