girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
