Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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