im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
