Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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