I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
