i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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