Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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