But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
