I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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