Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
