the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
