Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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