I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
