I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
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I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
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May the power of my ass compel you!!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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