She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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