im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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