god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
