Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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