he thought i was a dude.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
