Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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