I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
