I can tuck mytits in my pants
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Semen is not good for contacts.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
