Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
