college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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