think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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