But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
