you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
