I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
