your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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