around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
