wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
