i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
