White coat. Heels.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
