Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
