nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think i peed on brittanys purse
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
