so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
