My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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