Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
false alarm. still invincible.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
