my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
