I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
