woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
