my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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