he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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