is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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