so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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