There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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