Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
