Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
