youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
