We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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