just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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