I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
