It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
