Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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