I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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