3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
