If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
