i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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