Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
