I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
