Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
